My Tank Is Emptying Faster

Hello friends,

There’s something I’ve noticed the last few years as I’ve become a lived experience activist - thank you Lucy Webster for that useful phrase. By the time I get to the end of the year my tank is empty.

Now, this used to happen to me before, as a freelancer, especially as I worked to finish a few extra writing commissions before the holidays.

But this is different, because racism makes you soul-weary. Just the existence of it is exhausting, even without experiencing it, which takes the exhaustion to new depths.

It seems to me that my personal gas tank is emptying faster than it used to. When I was doing the DEI job at Omnis, there was a point in the year where I ran out of steam. Lea, who was COO, told me to drop everything and rest, so I did. That happened at the beginning of December 2021.

In 2022, I ran out of steam some time in November - in fact the burnout started earlier, which is why The Introvert Sisters podcast didn’t wrap up on a nice tidy number. This year, it’s October, so it’s getting earlier every year. That’s something I’m paying attention to.

The fatigue of being a lived experience activist is cumulative.

The harm of racism is cumulative.

The toll of of advocating for others who face isms while facing some yourself is cumulative.

And the backdrop to all that is that we’re still in a system where we have bills to pay - and activism doesn’t yet pay all of those, for me at least.

There’s a human cost when lived experiencers share their knowledge and wisdom. I’m happy to see more of us recognising that and taking the rest we need. I’ve seen some abandon social media and content production for weeks and months, just to recharge.

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