If you read the work of any anti-racism writer, you’d be tempted to think that being Black is all about trauma. In highlighting the clear and present dangers of existing in Black skin in white majority spaces, we can sometimes give the impression that everything sucks. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, it can be HARD being minoritized, but we still have rich, full, happy lives even as we bemoan and call out the inequity.
To redress the balance, because we don’t just exist to hold trauma, sometimes it’s worth focusing on the joy in our lives. I talk about some of the experiences that bring joy in Let’s Talk About Black Joy, but today I’d like to dig deeper into a pretty meaningful part of any Black woman’s life: her sister-circle.
What is a Sister-Circle?
Everyone has their own name for their circle, but for me it’s that group of women friends and relatives we can be totally ourselves with. You’re probably thinking that every woman has her ride-or-die girlfriends, and you’re right, but because of the experience of racism, there’s an added layer to Black sisterhood (that’s my opinion, anyway - if you think differently, feel free to say), ESPECIALLY when existing in white majority spaces where people with unearned privilege are making your life difficult.
Within that circle, you can convey a lot with just a few words, like this:
Girl!
Yeah?
The colonizers were BUSY today!
Girl!
But you can also kick back and relax, talking about hair, skin care, makeup, revisiting relationship stuff, reviewing the last movie you saw, or just telling bad jokes and laughing uproariously.
My Original Sister-Circle
I’ve been lucky enough to have several sister-circles throughout my life. The original one, whose strength endures to this day, was my mother and sister. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that we banded together in the face of some family issues, giving us a lasting bond that has been known to scare away men because “you can’t get between the Hurley women” - a direct quote from one disgruntled ex-beau.
As a child, the gathering place was my mum’s sewing room, the place where we discussed any and everything and set the world to rights. As we got older, the circle shifted to wherever we were - put us in the same room and laughter is bound to ensue.
Family and Friends
When I lived in England, my best friend and I were each other’s family, as well as a really tiny sister-circle. The size never mattered, though. We call each other “sister-friend” and have been constant supports for each other over several decades. Part of our deal is telling each other when we have to “come correk” and change this or that thing that we’re doing or not doing. It’s also about knowing that we can share our experiences and actions without judgment, and with plenty of love.
After returning to Barbados, I reconnected with a wider sister-circle, adding a few more people I’ve known over several years. Pre-Covid, we met regularly to celebrate birthdays, or just because we felt like it. These days, much of the interaction happens in our WhatsApp group chat, but we recently all got together for the first time in a while - socially distanced of course - and it was magic!
Taking the Sister Energy Online
I never expected that the sister-circle could be replicated online, but it turns out it can. I’m in another WhatsApp group that connects a bunch of old school friends. We started out focusing on shared fitness goals, but we didn’t realize when we started it that it would become a way to support each other when struggling with sadness, depression, ageing parents, bereavement and much more.
And then there are the online circles that have that sister energy: Black LinkedIn, Caribbean LinkedIn, Anti-Racist LinkedIn - all of these bring support and rich discussions into my life. Folx, you know who you are - please know that I appreciate you!
For me, and I’m sure for many Black women, these sister-circles are life and joy. I wouldn’t be without them. Do you have a sister-circle? Share one of your most joyous moments below.
P.S. Would-be allies, if you’re lucky enough to be invited into a Black woman’s sister-circle (which is a whole different thing from mere acquaintanceship or being a colleague), take it for the honor it is because it means you really DO have Black friends, lol.
Thanks for reading,
Sharon
© Sharon Hurley Hall, 2022. All Rights Reserved.
Cover photo courtesy of Getty Images. Image credit: Plume Creative
I am an anti-racism writer, a professional B2B writer and blogger, and co-host of The Introvert Sisters podcast. If you value my perspective, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Marketers have been doing this mess for hundreds of years. Personally, I blame our involvement on naïveté and wishful thinking.
STAYING there, well, that's another story, which we call be delusional. :)
This is heartwarming, uplifting and all that good stuff!