Reboot: Have a Global Majority Partner?

Hello {{ first name | friends}},

I thought it was time to bring this article back to the surface. Unsurprisingly, it stands the test of time, so I've updated a few links and am otherwise running it as originally published.

Many of you will be aware that I have a white husband. That’s never been a secret. Some people have used that fact to try to discredit my focus on anti-racism (newsflash: I’m still a Black woman who’s spent a heck of a lot of years in white majority spaces, so you can miss me with that).

This isn’t the article where I deal with that bit of silliness (though it’s coming one day). Instead, today, I’m writing for all those like my hubs who have got involved with a person who is racialised as Black or Brown, who is Indigenous or a person of the Global Majority*, and who are therefore about to have (or have already had) some experiences that are completely out of the norm for them. A kind of mini-guidebook, if you will. I’m going to base this both on the experiences I’ve had personally and those friends have shared with me. Here’s what your global majority partners and significant others need you to know.

First of all, no matter how much you think we’re approaching a post-racial society (we aren’t) and that things are getting better (maybe, but slowly, and there’s still WAY too much oppression and suffering around) your beloved partner is still going to experience racism. Some of it will be at a subtle level you can’t see or understand. If someone used a racial slur, you’d definitely notice, but you probably won’t spot the coded insults or challenges to their humanity.

The antidote: read up on dog whistles and microaggressions (nothing “micro” about them, really) to raise your awareness, then be alert for signs that they are happening.

I get it; you don’t want to believe that racism is as bad as your Black or Brown partner says it is. But you have to accept that you are living in different realities, and you need to believe them when they say something is racism. They have had years, even decades, of learning to identify the threat of racism as a potential issue of safety, both physical and emotional. Your racism spotting muscles simply aren’t as finely tuned.

What you need to do in these situations is trust that they know racism when they see it, and believe them without question. When you question it, you unintentionally ally yourself with the people oppressing them, and I know that’s not what you want to do. Which brings me to…

Again, because you take certain things for granted, you’re likely to say or do things that they might experience as racism. A common one is the gaslighting I mentioned earlier - where you might minimize their experience of racism because you can’t see it yourself. If they love you, they’ll give you credit for your otherwise spotless character. They’ll probably even try to explain. Your best bet here is to be quiet, listen and avoid making the mistake again.

If Black and Brown people mentioned every instance of racism they experience, they’d never do anything else. Some of us talk about the most egregious ones, if we can, and let a lot of the day to day stuff slide. Expect and accept that for every instance of racism they’ve mentioned to you, there’ve been a dozen more they haven’t. That’s why it gets so overwhelming sometimes. And that’s why they tend to react what you’d consider disproportionately to what seems like a single simple offence. Racism is death by a thousand cuts, and some cuts happen on scabs that haven’t had time to heal.

You might be shocked or tearful, but that can suck all the air out of the room and leave your Black or Brown partner trying to make things better for YOU instead of working on dealing with their own pain and trauma. (Plus white tears are often weaponized against Black people, so there’s that.)

Yes, it is absolutely upsetting, but you need to leave space for them to deal with it and process your shock with someone else.

Even better, find a core of strength to be there for them because often they aren’t permitted to show any weakness. They may need you to hold space and offer support for however they want to deal with the racism, which could include talking to someone who’s not you, and who understands their pain viscerally, so they don't have to spend time on explanations.

Finally, know that this IS something you can get better at. You will understandably be shocked and upset when you see your partner affected by racism. Turn that upset into something useful by supporting them and by fighting racism on all fronts with every fiber of your being.

After all, if this is your partner, shouldn’t you be their best ally, the one they can trust to have their back always and unquestioningly? I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Of course, this is just my perspective, and we’re not a monolith, so now it’s over to you. Global majority folx, what would you add here? Would-be allies, what situations have you faced where you needed some additional guidance?

Thanks for reading,

Sharon

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I am an anti-racism educator and activist, the author of “I’m Tired of Racism”, and co-host of The Introvert Sisters podcast.

© Sharon Hurley Hall, 2022, 2025. All Rights Reserved. This newsletter is published on beehiiv (affiliate link).