Reboot: Have a Global Majority Partner?

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Hello friends,

I thought it was time to bring this article back to the surface. Unsurprisingly, it stands the test of time, so I've updated a few links and am otherwise running it as originally published.

Have a Global Majority Partner?

Many of you will be aware that I have a white husband. That’s never been a secret. Some people have used that fact to try to discredit my focus on anti-racism (newsflash: I’m still a Black woman who’s spent a heck of a lot of years in white majority spaces, so you can miss me with that).

This isn’t the article where I deal with that bit of silliness (though it’s coming one day). Instead, today, I’m writing for all those like my hubs who have got involved with a person who is racialised as Black or Brown, who is Indigenous or a person of the Global Majority*, and who are therefore about to have (or have already had) some experiences that are completely out of the norm for them. A kind of mini-guidebook, if you will. I’m going to base this both on the experiences I’ve had personally and those friends have shared with me. Here’s what your global majority partners and significant others need you to know.

1. They will experience racism

First of all, no matter how much you think we’re approaching a post-racial society (we aren’t) and that things are getting better (maybe, but slowly, and there’s still WAY too much oppression and suffering around) your beloved partner is still going to experience racism. Some of it will be at a subtle level you can’t see or understand. If someone used a racial slur, you’d definitely notice, but you probably won’t spot the coded insults or challenges to their humanity.

The antidote: read up on dog whistles and microaggressions (nothing “micro” about them, really) to raise your awareness, then be alert for signs that they are happening.

2. They need you to believe them

I get it; you don’t want to believe that racism is as bad as your Black or Brown partner says it is. But you have to accept that you are living in different realities, and you need to believe them when they say something is racism. They have had years, even decades, of learning to identify the threat of racism as a potential issue of safety, both physical and emotional. Your racism spotting muscles simply aren’t as finely tuned.

What you need to do in these situations is trust that they know racism when they see it, and believe them without question. When you question it, you unintentionally ally yourself with the people oppressing them, and I know that’s not what you want to do. Which brings me to…

3. Some of the racism they experience will be from you

Again, because you take certain things for granted, you’re likely to say or do things that they might experience as racism. A common one is the gaslighting I mentioned earlier - where you might minimize their experience of racism because you can’t see it yourself. If they love you, they’ll give you credit for your otherwise spotless character. They’ll probably even try to explain. Your best bet here is to be quiet, listen and avoid making the mistake again.